From now on, I am going to give HALF a fuck … or maybe a smaller portion of a fuck because MOSTLY I don’t give a fuck … I still care a little bit – so maybe half is about right.

As one ages, one experiences different events that open one’s eyes and generally tend to make one regret ever having any faith whatsoever in humankind … in my case, the wholesale disillusionment with humankind happened when I was 22 or 23 or … and basically ever since thereafter, I have found less and less and less that was actually redeemable about humans. AGAIN AND AGAIN. OVER AND OVER.

Sure, we humans do have our charming, beguiling ways … and, of course, I do know FULL WELL that discipline equals freedom … I’m an age hardened stoic after all … but thing is one has to be extremely careful about exactly what one decides to give a fuck about.

So I have always known that anything that any human can accomplish is a matter of discipline … and discipline is the ONLY path to freedom.

But sometimes the reason that one is slow to learn is that things come to easy. In my case, I have been blessed with an ability to regenerate, learn, regroup and generally make the best of some rather dismal and impossible situations. So it’s safe to say that I just did not work hard enough on building up my self-discipline … I was too stupid and retarded to see the ultimate WHY.

I guess that maybe I did not really understand the parable of the talents, but MOSTLY it was just egotistical stubborness. So I was a dumbfuck … it took me far long to finally to realize what Galatians 5:22-23 was saying “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”

The best things in the world have nothing to do with humankind … except that humans fuck them up.

Discipline is a fruit of the Spirit rather than self-generated effort – the source and motivation of godly dicipline are entirely different and orders and orders of magnitude superior to mere human willpower.

In other words the “Constancy Of Purpose” that I desire need is not EVER EVER EVER going to come from idiotic self-discipline or human willpower … or from any other motivation or fuels powered by humans, human beings or humankind.

So NOW, I can actually appreciate passages like 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 - “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize… I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.”

The PROBLEM was/is that athletic discipline is such an incredibly piss poor metaphor for spiritual discipline … godly discipline and human willpower might almost feel somewhat similar … after all, both involve intentional effort and self-denial … but they differ CATEGORICALLY, ENTIRELY in their ultimate purpose and power source.

There is absolutely no room for egos in heaven … ZERO … this does NOT mean that humans with egos will not be saved – on the contrary, it means that the immense burden of our ego, our vanity, our pride will stripped of us – we will not have to carry it or defend it anymore AND those who value their ego, vanity, self, pride OVER eternal life with our Creator will be purged without any trace. After all, egos and vanities are easier flush than turds … there’s nothing there except the pathological evil driving sin and imperfection, so it’s not like there’s any point in recycling the shit.

From now on, I am going to give HALF a fuck … or maybe a smaller portion of a fuck because MOSTLY I don’t give a fuck … I still care a little bit – so maybe half is about right and if it’s too much, I’ll just cut the fucks by half and care about the part that matters.